I wish I knew exactly how you feel about me.
For JEM, the greatest person I have ever met.
There, that’s why. Because I actually like it when you interrupt me, which is often, by the way. I love you because you make no apologies for being exactly who you are. You’re beautiful, smart, sexy as hell, and you’re completely unaware of the effect you have on me. You’re also completely unaware that you laugh like a four-year-old, just like that. And, I love you because you can be with someone like me.
— Daniel Humphrey (via einschoenesleben)
please don’t act like you know me when you still think i’m the same person from 3 years ago
fact of the matter is i am not. how i view life is so very different.
i’m sorry you’re stuck where you are, but boy, i’m moving forward with or without you.
i’m only interesting when you’re horny
Why, after all this time, am I still struggling with this? I don’t understand.
I saw you
pitiful and dirty,
sorrowful and shamed
You don’t read this and frankly, I don’t care. There are just some things I want to get off my chest in general but not on my actual blog
1. I want to be friends. I don’t mind the benefits one bit, but for now I don’t want more and I’m sure as hell neither do you. I feel like you think I do and that’s completely false. I don’t have time to put effort into something like that, and I’m doing well on my own. I really don’t need or want someone right now, especially with a transition to college in a few months. I’m just letting what’s going to happen happen, and I’m perfectly okay with that. Whoever finds that I am great and wonderful, then well talk. But for now, I am great and wonderful on my own. I just want to be able to talk and be there for each other like friends are. Do crazy silly things because we’re bored and got nothing better to do.
2. I have changed from who you knew me as two years ago. I wouldn’t be the same person in a relationship now as I would have then. Certain parts, sure, but not everything. I have a lot going for me, and I’m working my butt off for it. I am living my life the way I want, and of someone fits in they do, of that makes sense. I don’t want to talk to someone 24/7 or be with them all the time. I want to enjoy all the time I have with them, and then be okay and happy with my friends and with out them and not necessarily talk or anything while with friends. Sure sometimes or what not, but if two people are truly committed, they can be with their friends then come back. Anyways, I’m not as needy. I am a big girl. Sure I love getting back rubs, and will not be afraid to ask, but I don’t need them all the time. I am also more communication oriented. If something is up, I will tell you about it. If you can help, I will ask about it. I feel like I have grown a lot and become much more mature for whatever I have in store for me. I don’t think you see all of that. Maybe you don’t care enough to realize that, and that’s okay. I’m not worried or offended by it.
I don’t know how to end this. It would be nice to hear from you, and maybe I will soonish, but who knows. Your move my friend, I’ve made the efforts I can make, but friendships are two sided things. I believe I told you that before. Youll just come back and say sorry but not really mean it. I will know you mean it when you make an effort to hangout. But don’t just so that because its what would make me happy, do it because you want to.
Merry Christmas, miss spending time with you like we did two years ago.
But you didn’t have to cut me off…
I don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.
I’ll be honest, I don’t understand it.
I don’t understand how you can care so much about someone and put so much effort into a friendship with someone and have them completely forget about you. I guess it’s something completely different when you never reached a true closeness, but when you did, and you’ve confided in each other information you would never share with anyone else, does that not count for something?
Are friends like that not supposed to care about each other when one changes their atmosphere? Are they just supposed to move on? While I understand and never expect to speak with someone all the time, what happened to nightly conversations where your day was shared and whatever thoughts crossed your mind? What happened to random silliness? Did you get too old for that?
I never expected anything more than a friendship, but I at least expected the same friendship we had. Maybe I’m just insane, but I enjoyed spending time with you, and I enjoy talking to you. You were the one person who I can always trust, who would always help. But these past fews weeks, I have not confided the same amount of information because we rarely talk. When we do, who wants to talk to someone already in a bad mood? I know you well enough that you would not.
I wish I could have asked for help as I struggled with my grandpa being sick and now with his recent death, with school and how calculus discourages me every day, with stress of getting into college and being discouraged from art, with family issues, or even just feeling a little numb and empty. I don’t want to burden you. I know you help others with work, so what are my minuscule problems that you probably couldn’t or wouldn’t want to do anything about?
I know we’ve both changed as humans beings, and we continue to change as we grow up. Out of all things, I never thought our friendship would. I know I am the only one who thinks this and even notices it, but it really sucks losing a friend, especially one life you.
I guess I can only hope you come back. As much as I hate it, I understand. You were always so much more important than me anyways. I hope you are happy and will always be happy.
I miss you and will always.
Hate to say I told you so. Thanks for forgetting about me. I understand, but it sucks.